A Poem About Narcissistic Users and Abusers: Never Go Back

whatever-you-do-never-run-back-to-what-broke-you-20831227

They break you
And then they hate you
For being broken

They lie to you
Then they despise you
For seeing the truth

They abuse you
Then they unfriend and block you
As though YOU did something wrong

When they run out of supply
They will swoop back in
With fake promises, false repentance, and imitation love

Never go back
To the ones who broke you —
A tiger does not change his stripes.

–Lynda Lee, copyright 2017

~ ~ ~

I just want to clarify that people CAN change, heal, and grow, if they really want to, and if they are willing to do the hard work that is required. My husband and I are proof that this is true, we have both come a very long way since our respective PTSD issues were diagnosed.

However, it has been my experience that the majority of narcissistic abusers do not change. The many books and articles I have read on the topic agree that it is very rare for abusers to give up their manipulative ways. In my lifetime, I have gone back again and again to users and abusers, hoping that this time things would be different. But the “difference” was always very short-lived. No more!

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47 thoughts on “A Poem About Narcissistic Users and Abusers: Never Go Back

  1. Sleeping Tiger July 7, 2017 / 9:25 am

    Nice! I was wondering how you were doing. You know that un-friending and blocking can really be a punch to the gut. I’ve done it to protect myself but had it done by the ex without warning and it hurt like he!!. I only mention that part because it’s something that doesn’t seem or sound like it’s a big deal, until it happens to you by someone that means so much to you.

    Has he been in touch otherwise?

    And as far as the stripes…well I’m working on changing mine. πŸ˜‰

    Hugs. ❀

    Liked by 2 people

    • Lynda Lee/@LadyQuixote July 7, 2017 / 10:15 am

      Lol…. maybe I should have used a different analogy. A rattlesnake, maybe? I wasn’t thinking of you when I wrote that, believe me. And the thought did occur to me as I was writing the line about tigers not changing their stripes, that people CAN and DO change, when they really want to and are willing to work hard at it. My husband and I have done a lot of changing, healing, and growing over the years.

      No, the church pastor hasn’t been in touch at all. My stepdaughter told me she watched the first part of his Sunday sermon online, the day after I spoke to him on the phone and told him how we felt about him asking her to buy a gun and a restricted camouflage military uniform for him. She only listened to the first sentence or two, and then she turned it off when he said “….today I will be talking about how to know it’s time to back away from people.”

      Yeah, when they call you out on asking their daughter to commit a federal felony for you, that might be a good time to back away.

      I am doing pretty good, thank you. I just got a call from the OR nurse telling me to check in for surgery (to remove and biopsy a cyst) this coming Monday at 9:30. Not looking forward to that, but grateful I have insurance to pay for it.

      Other than that, I am feeling very tired right now, from driving all by myself almost 300 miles round trip yesterday to have another neurofeedback session, and NFT itself is tiring. The therapist showed me the average of my brain wave patterns yesterday. He said my brain wave patterns are tremendously better than when I started NFT in February. But still, on one side of my brain, a couple of the waves are too high, and on the other side, they are too low. But I can tell that my thinking and emotions are so much better, and my family can see it, too.

      Yes, it is surprising how much an unfriend or unfollow can hurt. Like you, I have unfriended and unfollowed for self protection. I have also, as you know, unfollowed every single blog I was following, back in the days before my neurofeedback, when I just could not stop obsessively checking for new posts all day long!! I couldn’t get anything else done! I posted an explanation for why I had unfollowed everyone on my blog, but as I later discovered, many people did not see that, they just saw that I had unfollowed them, and they felt bad. Then I felt soooo terrible for making them feel bad!

      Sometimes when I am scrolling up or down on my Kindle Fire tablet, which is how I typically read the blogs that I follow, I will accidentally tap on the tab to unfollow the blog. Then I have to refollow them, if I even notice that it happened. And then I worry about hurting their feelings! Augh!! I hate when that happens!!

      I hope you are doing well today. Gee, is this comment long enough? Lol. Time for me to get off of here and get some work done! ((HUG))

      Liked by 2 people

      • Sleeping Tiger July 7, 2017 / 11:53 am

        I just wrote out a response and completely lost it. Ugh.
        I’m glad you are ok. It’s so good that your family is close enough that the communication lines are open among you. That makes it difficult for creeps like the pastor to get through your boundaries.

        He is a hypocrite, given what his sermon sounds like it was about.

        Good luck on the biopsy.

        Good news about the NF. There is improvement even if you’re not all the way there yet. It sounds promising.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Sleeping Tiger July 7, 2017 / 11:58 am

          Oh yeah, I forgot above, I knew you weren’t thinking of me when you wrote it. Haha. I thought it was funny though…a little lightness in the dark.

          The idea of a snake though instead…a snake doesn’t change his rattle…lol.
          Even though all snakes aren’t rattlers they are one of the most deadly right? Plus since narcissists and psychopaths are like babies…well, I’m sure you can see where I’m going with that.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Lynda Lee/@LadyQuixote July 7, 2017 / 12:36 pm

            Snake with a rattler, baby with a rattler — it took me a second, then I got it. Good one!

            Anyway, your stripes are cute. No need to change them, you’re great just like you are. πŸ˜€

            Liked by 1 person

          • Sleeping Tiger July 7, 2017 / 12:45 pm

            Aw thanks. Shades of Billy Joel’s song, “Just the way you are.”

            Liked by 1 person

    • Nyssa The Hobbit July 7, 2017 / 1:15 pm

      Yeah, my abusers did the blocking thing, too. I should’ve been the one to do it! Or, pre-Facebook, abusive boyfriends who broke up with me and didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. I should’ve done that to THEM! Dang it!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Prairie Girl July 7, 2017 / 10:43 am

    That was an incredible poem. I’ve saved it because I find it strengthens me to remind myself that others also know the same hurt of things. Also, having been treated so unfairly for most of our lives, the anger and outrage of the injustice of it is soothed when it’s felt by others in their own lives.

    “Never go back
    To the ones who broke you β€”
    A tiger does not change his stripes” – So true, and I’m going to think of those lines all day. Thank you.

    I’ve wrote my first post in a while, I’ve been needing to get away from the subject for just a bit but now I’ll be coming back with a little different angle. God bless.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lynda Lee/@LadyQuixote July 7, 2017 / 11:25 am

      It makes me so happy to see you here, Prairie Girl! I will check out your new post now. πŸ™‚

      Like

  3. bethanyk July 7, 2017 / 10:46 am

    Beautiful!!!!!!! This really captures everything I am feeling today. Going to reblog it. Love it so much!!!

    Liked by 1 person

      • bethanyk July 7, 2017 / 11:37 am

        It’s like you furthered deeper into my emotions and thoughts and you captured what i was truly feeling better than what I originally expressed which is why i just loved it so much. Youdid a great job

        Liked by 1 person

    • Lynda Lee/@LadyQuixote July 7, 2017 / 11:32 am

      Thank you. It is so validating when people get it, isn’t it? But it is also very sad, because I hate knowing that anyone else has been hurt like this.

      Before the internet and blogs, I thought I was the only one. And I did not know anything about Narcissistic Personality Disorder until May 2011, when my cousin, an RN with a BA in psychology, told me that “it would explain everything” if my mother, her aunt, has NPD! Since then, I have learned a lot.

      Welcome!

      Liked by 1 person

      • no face woman July 7, 2017 / 12:48 pm

        Thank you πŸ™‚ yes it is validating… I think it’s really important to share this and lets us know we are not alone. Big respect to you for being brave enough to talk it out πŸ’›

        Liked by 1 person

        • Lynda Lee/@LadyQuixote July 7, 2017 / 4:38 pm

          Talking it out, and writing it out, has saved my life. But it isn’t easy. I am only finally writing a memoir that I first tried to write in 1975 — longer ago than most people have been alive. Reading the blogs of brave souls like you has made all the difference!

          Liked by 1 person

          • no face woman July 7, 2017 / 4:57 pm

            I’m glad. I’ve found such a well of warmth and support in blogging that I never knew existed before. I look forward to reading your memoir! πŸ’›

            Liked by 1 person

  4. atimetoshare.me July 7, 2017 / 12:45 pm

    Powerful words from a strong woman❀️

    Liked by 1 person

  5. kawsreflections July 7, 2017 / 5:51 pm

    I am so grateful that you posted this. This has really helped me. I believe that most people can change through some hard work, but I do agree that there will be those who won’t change. Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece. I agree with 100%.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lynda Lee/@LadyQuixote July 7, 2017 / 6:34 pm

      I can’t even find the words to tell you how much your comment has blessed me. Wow.

      Take care of yourself, you are very precious.

      Liked by 1 person

        • Lynda Lee/@LadyQuixote July 8, 2017 / 6:11 am

          Awww… happy tears! I sometimes remember to tell others how precious they are, but I rarely remember to tell myself! ❀

          Liked by 1 person

          • kawsreflections July 8, 2017 / 6:17 am

            Awww. I know what you mean. I think about everyone else about myself and do what I can for others. I don’t tell myself enough that I’m grateful for myself and that I believe in myself and that I’m precious as well. I know exactly how you feel. For me I used to think that if I loved myself or if I did something for myself that I was being selfish and that I needed to think about others, but if I don’t love myself and I don’t do things for myself I can’t be there for those that love me and those who really need me. We all need to recharge the batteries. We all need to be reminded that we matter and that we are precious and you are my friend. You truly are. You have no idea the number of lives you are touching and your journey; your path is so precious and so are you. Have a wonderful day my precious.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Lynda Lee/@LadyQuixote July 8, 2017 / 6:40 am

            What you said here about needing to recharge our batteries before we can do for others is exactly right. Now, while my tablet is recharging, I am going to take my big Boxer dog for a walk before it gets too hot. Walking in the cool early morning is a great soul-battery charger!

            Thank you for all your kind words. ((HUG))

            Liked by 1 person

          • kawsreflections July 8, 2017 / 9:27 am

            Yep. That’s awesome. Have a great time with your dog. You are so welcome my dear. Hugs!

            Liked by 1 person

    • Lynda Lee/@LadyQuixote July 8, 2017 / 5:52 am

      Hello! It’s so good to see you here. ❀

      I'm doing better than ever, thanks to neurofeedback treatments. If you ever have the opportunity to have neurofeedback, or NFT as it is also called, I highly recommend it. However, I don't know if this type of treatment is available in Ireland.

      You have been on my mind lately, particularly as my treatments have made me aware of how badly I was dissociating (my spellchecker tells me "dissociating" isn't a word?). Prior to my neurofeedback treatments, I was frequently taking on different personas as a way to escape the pain of being me. Yet it was all me! Very hard to explain, but you know what I mean. Now, after about 25 neurofeedback treatments, I feel much more calm, centered, and all of one piece.

      I hope you are doing well. I will stop by your blog in a bit. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

        • Lynda Lee/@LadyQuixote July 8, 2017 / 6:37 am

          That’s great to know! I will be taking my big Boxer dog for a walk in a bit, before it gets too hot here. I like to pray as we’re walking. I will say a prayer for you, as I do.

          Liked by 1 person

  6. E July 7, 2017 / 11:44 pm

    The very first lines of this poem summed it up for me. Beautifully stated. So affirming.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lynda Lee/@LadyQuixote July 8, 2017 / 6:05 am

      Thank you, E. My first lines stem from the way my family of origin have treated me over the past half century, as they followed the lead of my now very elderly MN mother. When I was 14, more than a decade before PTSD became an official psychiatric diagnosis, I had a “nervous breakdown.” My mind had been shattered by trauma. Now, all these years later, I am still shunned by most of my family, because of the “shameful stigma” of having a relative with a “mental illness.”

      It is sad. But today, I am quite happy without them. πŸ™‚

      Like

  7. Object of Contempt July 8, 2017 / 1:53 am

    It’s difficult to find such a succinct description of what it’s like to be abused. It’s very validating to me. Especially the part of how they break you, then hate you for being broken. Then they hate you for not being quite broken enough to be taken in by their lies any longer… My wife’s latest self-justification was that everyone agrees with /her/… Yeah, so? Specious lies are still lies. Half-truths are complete lies.

    I wrote a new post, BTW. I’m curious what you think about it. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lynda Lee/@LadyQuixote July 8, 2017 / 6:08 am

      Thank you, my friend. I wish you did not understand my poem so well…. but I know that you certainly do. I will check out your new post, right after I finish approving and replying to my new comments. Oh! And I must plug in my tablet, too.

      Like

  8. cathleentownsend July 19, 2017 / 6:30 pm

    Yeah, this is the sort of situation where it really needs a clear understanding of forgiveness, because we’re often manipulated into thinking we owe it to them to continue to hurt us. We don’t. I don’t hold what was done to me against anyone. I don’t seek revenge, and I rarely even seek justice.

    But that doesn’t mean I can’t conduct an assessment of the situation and conclude that I will continue to get hurt. That’s not what I want for my life. I was created for joy. I don’t have to sign up again and again for repeated pain. And neither does anyone else. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

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