Guest Post #8 : Abusers break you–and then HATE you for being broken.

Here is a guest post that I wrote for Lauren Bennett. Her fascinating blog, Lucky Otter’s Haven, is one of my all-time favorites.

By the way, it is totally my fault that I forgot to tell Lauren to link my guest post here to my new blog. I am keeping my old ‘Surviving Trauma’ blog up, but I no longer post there, because of technical problems with comments which even WP support couldn’t help me with.

I know the following story sounds so crazy, it’s hard to believe. But it is all true, so help me God… unless I really AM nuts, and the mental health professionals who have told me otherwise were all wrong!

Thank you for reading. God Bless and Happy Easter!!

Lucky Otters Haven

My dear friend and active participant on this site, Linda Lee, has written a wonderful and OMG SO TRUE post, which describes a lifetime of abuse, including incarceration in a state mental hospital, and being faced with unethical doctors and caregivers, including one who raped her. She was sent back home to a rejecting family–who had put her there in the first place! Linda Lee has Complex PTSD, a form of PTSD that’s often the result of chronic abuse during childhood, rather than an isolated traumatic incident later on in life. After describing the insane house of mirrors she had been thrusted into that seemed to have no way out, Linda lifts the reader out of the darkness with an uplifting message about Easter and the resurrection.

Linda Lee also has a blog about her Complex PTSD caused by prolonged, severe trauma called Surviving Trauma (formerly Heal My Complex PTSD)

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10 thoughts on “Guest Post #8 : Abusers break you–and then HATE you for being broken.

  1. luckyotter March 27, 2016 / 3:58 pm

    No worries there. I added this blog to the other blog name (I hope you don’t mind I kept the other one because it has fascinating material there that isn’t on the new one yet). Thanks so much for your kind words and also for writing this inspiring post! Happy Easter and many blessings, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lady Quixote/Linda Lee March 27, 2016 / 7:59 pm

      Aww, thank you for being my friend, Lauren… hmm, I feel like a Golden Girl all of a sudden. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. lynettedavis March 27, 2016 / 10:42 pm

    Linda, my heart goes out to you. How a mother can be so cold-hearted as to go so far as to have her teenage daughter committed to an insane asylum is still beyond me and I know a lot about malignant narcissists. It sounds like your mother was the one who was a danger to others. Look what she did to you, notwithstanding that she tried to gas you and your siblings. Evil has no boundaries. You were living with enemy. Who knows what more would have happened to you if you had continued to live there with her. Reading your story, I can see how you were a lamb in a pit full of wolves. I can relate to your experience of your family rejecting you. As I look back, I can see that anyone that formed any type of a relationship with me, especially as a child, my mother would bust it up to make sure that I didn’t have any one to go to or talk to. Mentally and emotionally, I was kept isolated. At the time, I didn’t understand why everyone was cordial, but distant. There’s no telling what my dear mother was telling them about me. I thought it was me because that’s what we do–internalize things. (I was afraid to get to close to anyone.) When it came to going no-contact, it really wasn’t that difficult because no one was really reaching out to me, at least not on my mother’s side. About the reaching out to other family members, I’ve come to realize, as I’m sure you have too now, that sometimes, we’re separated for a reason. The way I see it, you’re on a totally different path. Like the doctor told you, the entire family was extremely selfish (i.e. malignant). This makes a lot of sense to me because there is such a thing, in my opinion, as narc families. It’s clear that God has a different plan for you, which by the way, I’m convinced, is why you were chosen to be the scapegoat, in the first place. I am curious, though, how your younger siblings fared. With you out of the picture, your mother probably turned some of her wicked ways on at least one of her other children. Your story brings to mind 2 Corinthians 12:9, when God said, “My grace is sufficient for you.” Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lady Quixote/Linda Lee March 27, 2016 / 11:47 pm

      Thank you so much, Lynnette. You have probably already seen my reply to this comment on Lucky Otter’s blog. But in case you haven’t, I will copy and paste my reply here:

      I am so sorry you went through that with your mother, too. It’s so unbelievably painful and crazy making, isn’t it? Until a few years ago, I could not understand why my mother hated me so. Finally, as I learned about narcissistic personality disorder, I began to understand that she was jealous. She was in competition with me, her own daughter. When I reached adolescence, that’s when she started saying “No house is big enough for two women, I will be so glad when you are grown and gone!” I was 13 when she started saying that.

      You asked about my other siblings, they have struggled in different ways, but most seem to have done much better in life than I did. One sister, though, has struggled with drug addiction and relationship problems. One brother is very bad off, he has been on disability, unable to work, for most of his life. He is 54 now, I believe. Another brother was in the first gulf war and was in the Khobar Towers in Saudi Arabia when a terrorist bomb blew the front off the building. Because I haven’t been around most of his life, I can’t say for sure, but he seems to have a bad temper. He seems… cold. His wife acted afraid of him, when I met her many years ago.

      The sins of the father’s….

      Liked by 2 people

  3. lynettedavis March 28, 2016 / 8:12 pm

    Linda, I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to respond. I was trying to respond last night when my WordPress app crashed. It took me awhile before I realized that’s what happened. Yes your mother was/is jealous of you which underscores her disordered personality. I mean, what adult considers a thirteen year as competition? My guess is that, even at thirteen, she saw in you something she couldn’t take from you and, therefore, would never have. I asked about your siblings because I don’t think narcissistic mothers ever have healthy children, even though they consider themselves the greatest parents on the earth. Not even their golden children turn out to healthy normal individuals. Thank you again for sharing your experience. I know there are a lot of daughters out there like us who don’t understand why their mothers treat/treated them the way they do.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lady Quixote/Linda Lee March 28, 2016 / 8:51 pm

      I am so grateful for you, Lynette. No need to apologize for not answering sooner, I understand how life gets in the way. Thank goodness you figured out how to fix your app!

      I’ve spent most of today taking care of my stepdaughter’s dog who had a surgical procedure yesterday and had a very bad reaction to the anesthesia. She seems like she is going to be ok but we are watching her close to be sure. My own rescue dog doesn’t understand why the little Chihuahua-Miniature Whippet needs so much of my attention, so it was a juggling act until my stepdaughter got home from work. I am thankful for the creatures God gave us to love and care for, but on days like this it’s hard to get anything done.

      Liked by 1 person

      • lynettedavis March 28, 2016 / 10:26 pm

        Oh, I didn’t get it fixed. After waiting most of the day, it finally occurred to me to just use a different device… I know. I should have thought of that earlier. On Mondays, it takes me longer to figure stuff out…

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Object of Contempt March 29, 2016 / 11:57 am

    “They break you and then hate you for being broken.”

    It’s like the way a smoker looks at a cigarette with a frown because they’ve lit and smoked it down to a stubby butt, then they throw it down and grind it into the ground with their shoe. I’ve felt this with my mom and with my wife (she had a different, covert style of emotional abuse that I never saw coming). My in-laws are full of contempt anyway, and would/will help her destroy me when divorce comes. I can’t stand the idea of leaving my kids, and I’m barely functioning.

    The thing is, she has so many other people despising me for being broken, too. Many of them should know better. There is no one who will come alongside and help me by even just telling my wife that she is being cold and cruel (neither my mom nor wife are as evil as your parents were). She would probably not change, but if someone would pay attention long enough to perceive what’s going on, at least she could hear the truth from someone besides me.

    Blogs I read say you can’t recover or even extract yourself without help… When I look for help, I get accused of trying to manipulate and get control of my wife. There may be two men who even believe me at all. The rest don’t even like me.

    When the Dr. said no one wanted you… I feel that. I know why you were numb. Feeling that kind of pain starts in your soul and takes it over completely. You have to pretend it’s not there or let yourself fall apart. I can’t think of a single other option without a person who loves you truly to stand by your side while you continue to bungle and trip along acting like the broken spirit you are. Not many people are that kind, brave, or loving.

    Whenever I come to your blog, I am encouraged by the fact that you found a husband who took you and sincerely loves you. I wonder (if I’m brave enough to divorce) if I’ll ever find love. I’m not a kid. The career I trained for, and the one I ended up in are both completely trashed. My brain doesn’t learn and retain and focus like it used to at all (I used to be *very* good at that). I won’t have anything to promise to anyone.

    I’m broken, and she can’t decide if she’s happy about the power she gained by character assassination, or if she’s disgusted that I don’t make her look good anymore. Poor thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lady Quixote/Linda Lee March 29, 2016 / 12:37 pm

      It is a particularly hellish nightmare when you are living with someone who puts you down every single day, many times a day, with cutting critical remarks, hateful tone of voice, and mean facial expressions. It makes it infinitely worse when they also alienate everyone in your life with character assassinating lies. I would rather be homeless, living in a card board box in a culvert somewhere, than to ever live through that again. I would rather eat out of garbage cans than eat the finest gourmet meals in a grand palace. My heart goes out to you.

      Like

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